Tell her she can't have a vagina
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's always time for handjobs
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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