HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
