just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
