I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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