too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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