now i know why i became what i already was.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
