My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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