Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
