i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
