He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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