I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I love you. Go after that dick
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
