You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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