I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
