We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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