I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
