I'm gonna have a badass scar
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
