i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
