It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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