Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
