i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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