I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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