you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
