If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
