my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
