I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
