You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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