I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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