he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
