I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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