Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize
