see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
