I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
