Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
