She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
