good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
