R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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