also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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