didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
