just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
