and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
