You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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