Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
