dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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