So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
