Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
