I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
