the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
