does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
