the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
