I am puke
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
