You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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