Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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