so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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